Ok so I was reading this lesbian world: What the Maine Vote Tells Us (hi there!) and my comment was getting to be out of control so I thought I'd post about it instead.
I can understand Jeanne's frustration. I really can.
But the "M" word, to me, is a critical component to the fight for marriage equality.
I can't tell you how humiliating it was to say that I was "civil unioned" and then undoubtedly getting the "wtf is THAT?" look then having to explain, hat in hand, eyes lowered, how it was a watered down "we have to call it something else because straights are better than us" version of marriage.
It. Matters.
Do we need to lose sight of the people who need rights, like, yesterday? No. Do the people who don't have any rights right now probably think that I should STFU and quit whining because at least I have rights? Probably.
I think the way that Connecticut did it was the right way to go about it. We went for civil unions first but only as a stepping stone to marriage.
I think for a state that has NO protection for gay families to try to go straight (hehe) from that to gay "marriage" then, ummm, yeah, that's a tough fight and probably ill-advised.
For some reason people need to be "eased" into treating humans equally (isn't that NICE of us to ease them into treating us like people??)
FUCK THAT.
We need to fight and fight and fight and keep on fighting.
But I agree that we need to be smarter about the fighting. Get our hands on as many rights as we can along on the way to gay marriage.
It appears that most politicians (and a lot of voters) are "OK" with "all but marriage" rights...(gee willickers thanks!!) so yeah, let's go for what we can get...
....for now....
But the second a state gives us those rights, we should be working on it being called "marriage" -- not 10 years down the line (as my esteemed fellow-blogger mentions) but as soon as the last step was completed. Because. It. Matters.
It matters because we will never be equal as long as we are drinking at a different fountain.
We will never be equal if we can't sit in the front of the bus.
We will never be equal if we can't vote.
We will never be equal and therefore forever prime targets for belittling, bullying, hatred, violence, and murders.
Because "if you are not equal to me, you are less than" has always fueled the darkest, seething trenches of human nature that then seeks to tear at us and beat us down deep into the maggot-infested mud.
And I, for one, will not ever accept as fact that that is where I belong.
So, keep "marriage" or no?
What say you?
Friday, November 6, 2009
Comment gone haywire.
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15 comments! COMMENT HERE.:
Hey Tina, well since I am calmer today and already blogged my frustration I will say this. Before CT had civil unions, I thought "who cares what they call it as long as we have the same rights." Then after we had civil unions and my friends who had been "unionized" and not by the teamsters... were encountering things like you described. It became more and more apparent that seperate and almost equal is just unequal. The term "Marriage" means something to people in the outside world, and not just in a religious sense. It validates for outsiders the strength and commitment of someone's relationship. So I agree that a 1st step could be civil unions but that waiting 10 years for marriage isn't right either. But hey, maybe we should change the fight and fight to have "Marriage" banned altogether. Everyone can have a civil union ;)
I'm with you, I think that the time has come to accept us completly or out right say you don't. there is no middle ground. You can't say you love me andmy partner but don't support gay marriage. You can't play nice to my face and talk about me behing my back.
You are right 100% equal is equal no ifs ands or buts.
The fight for marriage equality will be won and eventually the entire country will be on board. Right now, it just plain sucks.
I also agree with CAB. Do away with marriage and make all marriages civil unions. I mean it's "the same thing" right? If so then why don't they get civilly unionized? Crap.
Nice rant. Right to the point. Separate is never equal.
I just truly do not understand why we continue to go from state to state begging (sometimes successfully) for equal rights and protection. To me it is a constitutional question, just like civil rights were.
We need the word Marriage and we need it at the Federal level. The give and take back has got to stop too. Watch out Iowa, the Anti-Gays are secretly meeting... http://www.kcci.com/news/21536460/detail.html
It's a no brainer but people aren't seeing it that way Marriage = Equality, it can't be called anything else. And Gays getting married will not destroy this social institution, in fact as shown in Mass. gays actually improved marriage. :)
I agree, no more marriage at all. Civil unions for everyone!
ugh.
I'm so damn disgusted by this. I can't imagine how it must have felt for the ones who went before us. The ones who had nothing at all.
I agree. We need the word marriage and all its rights, privelages and protections at the Federal level. If they continue to go state by state, putting it to a vote I can tell you right now, it would be hundreds of years before it passes in the South. (Hell! They still aren't over the Civil War!)So where would the equality ever be in that as a nation?
What gets me is how these muther phuckers whine when it comes to talk about gun control; how it encroaches on their civil rights yet turn right around and vote to deny us the basic of civil rights.
Maybe instead of blogging we should all be writing President Obama personally.
It might be a plague... I tried to comment here and, well, I just couldn't post a comment this long on your blog.
I tried, though!
I know that *someday* we will have equal rights. But, that's not good enough.
We need Federal government to either grant us the right to marry or to abolish marriage as a legal institution and give everyone the right to enter into a civil union or domestic partnership. Right now, I don't really care which it is. At my age, I'm more concerned about retirement benefits and Social Security than what we choose to call it.
I am *lucky* enough to live in a state (Oregon) with a domestic partnership registry. Additionally, my employer allows me to cover my partner on insurance; although this benefit is taxed differently for us. I am grateful for these crumbs from the table of privilege. But, I am ANGRY that the Federal, State and Local governments have the power to declare me a second class citizen.
If we don't get equal rights we shouldn't have to pay equal taxes. Why should I pay into a system that punishes me for being who I am?
Yes, write to the President. I do frequently! And to your elected officials at all levels of government. They need to hear from us and they need to know that we are ANGRY!
Equal rights...now and for all!
Your post was dead on...well written and I agree 100%!
It all comes down to needing protection on a federal level. It's so annoying to be denied basic civil rights. We have come a long way, but we still have a long fight ahead of us.
Equality...nothing more, nothing less.
Equal rights for all. Either call everybody's partnership a "civil union" or "marriage". Either way what matters is that all couples get the same rights. And frankly I'm getting sick and tired of the people who complain that this is "redefining marriage". The meaning of the word "marriage"--like most words--has changed numerous times throughout the centuries. Words change as circumstances change. Okay, there have always been same-sex couples, but allowing them to be legally married and calling it that is just a way of recognizing that society is, or at least should be, more tolerant and open-minded.
My husband and I totally believe in gay rights. And if the idea of marriage equality isn't enough for people, how about the hypocrisy that a bunch of lawmakers and conservatives bitch and whine about how wrong it is to give "special rights" (such as hate crime laws), yet turn around an fight hard to preserve their own special right to marry?
Straight people are a protected class, and they want to keep it that way. But they want to deny everyone else the same status.
So if the idea of equality isn't enough for these jerks, how about the fact they are precisely the thing they keep fighting against??? Heterosexuals get special rights.
And that's wrong.
Grrr...
I hope to see equal rights for all people!
My dumb ass brother in law and I were just talking about this a few days ago. He said, "I don't care if you guys have civil unions, but I don't want you to be married. Married is a holy matter."
I wanted to clock him.
I'll have to be the lone voice of dissent.
Personally, I don't give a flip what it's called. If they doled out civil unions in Texas tomorrow and I had all the federal legal benefits of a hetero couple, I'll take the civil union and tell people I'm married.
Getting the rights should be our top priority. If that means we call it 'civil unions' then we should call it 'civil unions.'
The fight for semantics can happen after the rights are secured because the fight for semantics is a much easier struggle.
Personally, I'd rather fight for the forest and worry about naming the trees later.
The Maine vote came ten days after my wedding. I can't tell you how devastated I was to get that news so soon after my much dreamed about, legal MA wedding. I don't know how anyone could really belive that seperate but equal is ok in this -or any- situation. Especially since it has been legal here for five years now and SURPRISE! Boston has not fallen into the ocean! I am so sad for the people of Maine, I feel like if I lived there I would be thinking everytime I met someone, was it you who voted against my marriage? Did you think it was ok to take away my rights?
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